Ya know, sometimes I don't know how I go day after day of dealin with the crap I deal with.
But I do. I just push it all down inside and ignore it and move on. And somehow I manage to pretend it doesn't exist.
But does that really make it any better?
No. Because eventually I am going to snap and I'm getting close to that. and when that happens. It's ugly. I scream, I yell, and I say lots of things that I end up regretting later but at that moment sound so right.
So right now instead of screaming at you and saying your pissing me the hell off, I'm pushing it all down inside with the rest of the bullshit I deal with on the daily and hoping that I don't blow a gasket!
Dont judge me either. I've been abused multiple ways and this is just how I deal. Get over it & if you don't like it, there's the door. I have been alone before.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Spring Cleaning
I am ready for spring!
Correction...
I am beyond ready for spring.
Like, ready to bust open the windows, wear capris (I don't do shorts cause I got me some fat thighs!!), and dump my basement into the garbage!
It needs help! Like serious help! And not only that, I have a slight leak in my wall somewhere that is making the den/office area have mold grow on the wall. It's not a lot, but enough to make it musty.
And I want to organize it supa bad! We keep diggin through boxes and leavin crap everywhere so likely, it's a hot mess and not cute!
I'm also ready to just have windows open. There is nothing that I love more than fresh spring breeze. Let out the stuffiness that winter forces you to keep in!!
I'm ready to kick my kids out of the house and make them play outside, jam to some music and clean!! Nothin like a fresh house cleaning to make you feel good!
Now if we can only get mother nature to cooperate!!
Correction...
I am beyond ready for spring.
Like, ready to bust open the windows, wear capris (I don't do shorts cause I got me some fat thighs!!), and dump my basement into the garbage!
It needs help! Like serious help! And not only that, I have a slight leak in my wall somewhere that is making the den/office area have mold grow on the wall. It's not a lot, but enough to make it musty.
And I want to organize it supa bad! We keep diggin through boxes and leavin crap everywhere so likely, it's a hot mess and not cute!
I'm also ready to just have windows open. There is nothing that I love more than fresh spring breeze. Let out the stuffiness that winter forces you to keep in!!
I'm ready to kick my kids out of the house and make them play outside, jam to some music and clean!! Nothin like a fresh house cleaning to make you feel good!
Now if we can only get mother nature to cooperate!!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Birthday Boy
My son turned another year older today. 14!
14!!
Sheesh!
I remember when I met you! You where only 3. Adorable as ever. And not so nice to me sometimes because "I'm not your mom"
It's nice now though because you realize that I'm as close to a mom as you will ever have. I may not have grew you in my belly and then gave birth to you, but I love you all the same.
Sometimes you make me mental, but what teenager doesn't drive their parents mental.
It's been fun watching you grow into a boy to a young man. And who knows what the future holds for us, but I can't wait to watch you grow into an adult!
Happy Birthday!! I hope you had a fabulous day!!
14!!
Sheesh!
I remember when I met you! You where only 3. Adorable as ever. And not so nice to me sometimes because "I'm not your mom"
It's nice now though because you realize that I'm as close to a mom as you will ever have. I may not have grew you in my belly and then gave birth to you, but I love you all the same.
Sometimes you make me mental, but what teenager doesn't drive their parents mental.
It's been fun watching you grow into a boy to a young man. And who knows what the future holds for us, but I can't wait to watch you grow into an adult!
Happy Birthday!! I hope you had a fabulous day!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
I need a Vacation
I am so overly tired it's not even funny. I am so over waking up
all.
night.
long.
with diva baby. I just want one full nights sleep. Is that too much to ask??
/sigh
all.
night.
long.
with diva baby. I just want one full nights sleep. Is that too much to ask??
/sigh
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Product Reviews
I love to do product reviews. I am a member of BzzAgent and have been with them for many years. I have been lucky to do a couple of House Party's and now I am a 'Purex Insider'.
Right now Purex has me sampling the new Crystals fabric softener. And so far I'm pretty impressed. I have only done 2 loads though.
I am trying to get a few companies to allow me to do product reviews here. We shall see what happens!!
I love trying things out and giving my thoughts. Honest thoughts because I feel that is what helps businesses make their products better.
I especially love to help businesses started by moms or home made things.
If your interested please leave a comment.
Right now Purex has me sampling the new Crystals fabric softener. And so far I'm pretty impressed. I have only done 2 loads though.
I am trying to get a few companies to allow me to do product reviews here. We shall see what happens!!
I love trying things out and giving my thoughts. Honest thoughts because I feel that is what helps businesses make their products better.
I especially love to help businesses started by moms or home made things.
If your interested please leave a comment.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I'm Not The Mom I Wanted To Be
When I was younger, I never wanted to have children. I wanted to adopt my children and give them a mom and dad instead. There are too many children without and I wanted to take at least 2 of them.
Well obviously that isn't how things worked for me. Kind of anyway. I do have a son whom I did not give birth too. I am his mother because his bio mom is less than par. But that is all. I gave birth to my other 2 children. And I wouldn't take them back for anything.
But I an not the mother I envisioned myself being.
I wanted to give my children the happy stable home I never had. I wanted to be able to get them whatever I wanted without worries I wanted their parents to always be happy and problem free. I wanted to be better than my parents.
Well, those where just dreams. Long far off dreams.
Because I do not provide none of the above. Not anywhere close and it breaks my heart. There is so much stress and frustration in my life, that my home is no where near stable and I cannot afford to even breathe sometimes. My children ask for all these cool things, and I cannot give it to them.
And when people find out everything that is going on, and they see our baby, I get this expression of why we had another child.
My baby was not planned. I was on birth control and apparently God wanted her here, because she slipped by. You will never have no idea how angry I was when I found out I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant and I was not happy through the whole thing. And the saddest part is, I'm pretty positive that this affects my bond with her. I get so frustrated with her so easily and I'm sure it was because I didn't want to be pregnant.
When I think of the mother I am and the mother I wanted to be, I am sad. Don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything, I just wish I was a better mother.
Well obviously that isn't how things worked for me. Kind of anyway. I do have a son whom I did not give birth too. I am his mother because his bio mom is less than par. But that is all. I gave birth to my other 2 children. And I wouldn't take them back for anything.
But I an not the mother I envisioned myself being.
I wanted to give my children the happy stable home I never had. I wanted to be able to get them whatever I wanted without worries I wanted their parents to always be happy and problem free. I wanted to be better than my parents.
Well, those where just dreams. Long far off dreams.
Because I do not provide none of the above. Not anywhere close and it breaks my heart. There is so much stress and frustration in my life, that my home is no where near stable and I cannot afford to even breathe sometimes. My children ask for all these cool things, and I cannot give it to them.
And when people find out everything that is going on, and they see our baby, I get this expression of why we had another child.
My baby was not planned. I was on birth control and apparently God wanted her here, because she slipped by. You will never have no idea how angry I was when I found out I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant and I was not happy through the whole thing. And the saddest part is, I'm pretty positive that this affects my bond with her. I get so frustrated with her so easily and I'm sure it was because I didn't want to be pregnant.
When I think of the mother I am and the mother I wanted to be, I am sad. Don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything, I just wish I was a better mother.
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