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Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Cell Phones, blogs, Social Networks, oh my
In this day, it is hard to find someone not attached to their cell phone, unless they are an elderly person. Hell, kids as young as 5 are begging to have a cell phone.
Thankfully my 8 year old could care less if she has one or not. She borrows her brothers when she goes to a friends house.
I on the other hand am guilty on multiple levels. I am highly addicted to my iPhone and can hardly go 10 minutes without looking at it. I am constantly texting or checking Facebook. And it has caused some tension in my relationship. He claims I spend more time on my phone & the truth is, I have become more reliant on doing things on my phone (like this blog post) instead of doing things with my husband. (I bet he would have a different tune if I was one of those kick ass bloggers that made lots of my doing this!) The sad thing is, I don't know how to put it away and leave it alone.
In a day when the whole world practically relies on the use of a computer or a cell phone, it's no wonder why everyone has gone googoo for technology. It seems like there is nothing you cant do from a cell phone.
So how do you pull yourself away from all the ways to communicate that don't require talking? I am having a hard time figuring this put. Is it bad that I would rather text than actually talk. Maybe it's because I am always busy that an actual conversation would slow me down.
I dont know but what would happen to people as the way we communicate if all of a sudden cell phones and Internet stopped working?? Would people in this day and age be able to handle it. Especially the kids.
My answer is No. What's yours??
Thankfully my 8 year old could care less if she has one or not. She borrows her brothers when she goes to a friends house.
I on the other hand am guilty on multiple levels. I am highly addicted to my iPhone and can hardly go 10 minutes without looking at it. I am constantly texting or checking Facebook. And it has caused some tension in my relationship. He claims I spend more time on my phone & the truth is, I have become more reliant on doing things on my phone (like this blog post) instead of doing things with my husband. (I bet he would have a different tune if I was one of those kick ass bloggers that made lots of my doing this!) The sad thing is, I don't know how to put it away and leave it alone.
In a day when the whole world practically relies on the use of a computer or a cell phone, it's no wonder why everyone has gone googoo for technology. It seems like there is nothing you cant do from a cell phone.
So how do you pull yourself away from all the ways to communicate that don't require talking? I am having a hard time figuring this put. Is it bad that I would rather text than actually talk. Maybe it's because I am always busy that an actual conversation would slow me down.
I dont know but what would happen to people as the way we communicate if all of a sudden cell phones and Internet stopped working?? Would people in this day and age be able to handle it. Especially the kids.
My answer is No. What's yours??
Thursday, March 24, 2011
No Babies Please!
When I was a kid, I always had said I was never ever having kids. I was always around my cousins which for the most part where little hellions on two feet.
My mom would always tell me that I would change my mind once I met the perfect guy. As I got older and into my teenage years I was still adamant on no kids! Besides, what teenage girl is worrying about children. Unless of course you are one of those way out of hand teenagers that are a Maury Show candidate! Sure as heck wasn't me. Keep those kids far away from me.
My plan was to adopt older children who didn't have a mom or dad of their own.
Yeah, we see how well that worked.
In 2000 I met my husband and his son. I was totally on with him having a child because I was still on the path of giving other children a parent they are lacking and I still didn't want any of my 'own'.
Imagine my surprise a few year later when a good ol' pregnancy test popped up positive. I was home alone when I took that test. I didn't even say anything to him that I was planning on taking one. What prompted me to take one was the fact that my boobs where ungodly sore. Everyone around me assured me that I was pregnant. I assured them I wasn't and told them I would take a test to prove them wrong.
Took the test. Threw it across the bathroom. Spent all day at home, alone, in bed, crying!
9 months later, enter Princess in the Middle.
After Princess in the Middle, I was so overcome with joy and love for this baby, that I wanted another. SOON!! Daddy on the other hand was never ready. I eventually got back on birth control pills and around my daughters age of 5/6, I let go of the dream of having another baby and started selling all her baby things. Clothes, gear, etc. I was tired of it taking up space.
So, imagine my surprise last fall when my period didn't come like it was supposed to. These birth control pills made my period come like clock work. One month it never came. So off I went to buy a test without telling hubby. And peed on it the next morning.
Positive. I bet your thinking I was happy!!
Not!!
I instantly threw it in the cupboard and cried. Composed myself and Got the kids ready for school. Hubby takes one look at me and knew something was wrong. He was stoked. I was angry.
I continued to be angry through pretty much my whole pregnancy. I'm pretty positive it's affecting my bond with her as I get so irritated and crabby when she is fussy and inconsolable which lucky for me is 98% of the time. But for some reason, she is so a mommas girl. She prefers me over anyone. I don't know if it has to do with the 8 weeks of breastfeeding or all the skin to skin the doctor made me do, or what. Sometimes I love it but others I just wish she wasn't. I know I sound so horrible but I can't help those feelings.
Even though I was so upset I was pregnant both times, I love both my girls more than anything in the world and I would never go back to before I had them. I may not be the best mother in the world, but to my girls, I am the greatest and I have no faults or failures. I will take that and run with it. Relishing in all their accomplishments. And hope that all 3 of my children always think I am nothing BUT the greatest!!
For the record though, I do still want to adopt and give a child the parents they wouldn't have otherwise.
My mom would always tell me that I would change my mind once I met the perfect guy. As I got older and into my teenage years I was still adamant on no kids! Besides, what teenage girl is worrying about children. Unless of course you are one of those way out of hand teenagers that are a Maury Show candidate! Sure as heck wasn't me. Keep those kids far away from me.
My plan was to adopt older children who didn't have a mom or dad of their own.
Yeah, we see how well that worked.
In 2000 I met my husband and his son. I was totally on with him having a child because I was still on the path of giving other children a parent they are lacking and I still didn't want any of my 'own'.
Imagine my surprise a few year later when a good ol' pregnancy test popped up positive. I was home alone when I took that test. I didn't even say anything to him that I was planning on taking one. What prompted me to take one was the fact that my boobs where ungodly sore. Everyone around me assured me that I was pregnant. I assured them I wasn't and told them I would take a test to prove them wrong.
Took the test. Threw it across the bathroom. Spent all day at home, alone, in bed, crying!
9 months later, enter Princess in the Middle.
After Princess in the Middle, I was so overcome with joy and love for this baby, that I wanted another. SOON!! Daddy on the other hand was never ready. I eventually got back on birth control pills and around my daughters age of 5/6, I let go of the dream of having another baby and started selling all her baby things. Clothes, gear, etc. I was tired of it taking up space.
So, imagine my surprise last fall when my period didn't come like it was supposed to. These birth control pills made my period come like clock work. One month it never came. So off I went to buy a test without telling hubby. And peed on it the next morning.
Positive. I bet your thinking I was happy!!
Not!!
I instantly threw it in the cupboard and cried. Composed myself and Got the kids ready for school. Hubby takes one look at me and knew something was wrong. He was stoked. I was angry.
I continued to be angry through pretty much my whole pregnancy. I'm pretty positive it's affecting my bond with her as I get so irritated and crabby when she is fussy and inconsolable which lucky for me is 98% of the time. But for some reason, she is so a mommas girl. She prefers me over anyone. I don't know if it has to do with the 8 weeks of breastfeeding or all the skin to skin the doctor made me do, or what. Sometimes I love it but others I just wish she wasn't. I know I sound so horrible but I can't help those feelings.
Even though I was so upset I was pregnant both times, I love both my girls more than anything in the world and I would never go back to before I had them. I may not be the best mother in the world, but to my girls, I am the greatest and I have no faults or failures. I will take that and run with it. Relishing in all their accomplishments. And hope that all 3 of my children always think I am nothing BUT the greatest!!
For the record though, I do still want to adopt and give a child the parents they wouldn't have otherwise.
Monday, March 21, 2011
If it's not one thing...
It's seriously another and I really can handle it.
I'm on the edge and about to break. The feelings I had when I almost committed suicide before are lingering in the back of my mind again toying with me and teasing.
Plain and simple, I am a hot mess. I've been abused and broken and no one will pick up my pieces and put me back together again. I'm a real life Humpty Dumpty and no one gets it.
It would be so much easier to just let it all go and be don't with everything instead of having your emotions toyed with and played like a fiddle. I wouldn't have to stare people in the face whom, no matter how hard I try, I can't please. And they wouldn't have to look at me all tattered, torn, and broken. We would all be free.
But then where would that leave my daughters and my step-son. Damaged and heartbroken forever. And they are the reason I hold onto all the shiny tiny glimmers of false hope hoping that someday things will be how they where meant to be.
I'm on the edge and about to break. The feelings I had when I almost committed suicide before are lingering in the back of my mind again toying with me and teasing.
Plain and simple, I am a hot mess. I've been abused and broken and no one will pick up my pieces and put me back together again. I'm a real life Humpty Dumpty and no one gets it.
It would be so much easier to just let it all go and be don't with everything instead of having your emotions toyed with and played like a fiddle. I wouldn't have to stare people in the face whom, no matter how hard I try, I can't please. And they wouldn't have to look at me all tattered, torn, and broken. We would all be free.
But then where would that leave my daughters and my step-son. Damaged and heartbroken forever. And they are the reason I hold onto all the shiny tiny glimmers of false hope hoping that someday things will be how they where meant to be.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Welcome Spring
Oh Spring! How happy I am to see you!! I have missed you since the day you left me last year.
Don't tell your other 3 friends, but you are my favorite and I adore everything you bring with you.
Although, I have to say that I am sad that there is no spring sunshine today and it's all dark and dreary grey outside along with some rain. I will deal though as long as you promise to hussy with the spring weather and don't disappear on me too quickly.
Love your BFF,
Me
Happy Spring Friends!!!
Don't tell your other 3 friends, but you are my favorite and I adore everything you bring with you.
Although, I have to say that I am sad that there is no spring sunshine today and it's all dark and dreary grey outside along with some rain. I will deal though as long as you promise to hussy with the spring weather and don't disappear on me too quickly.
Love your BFF,
Me
Happy Spring Friends!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Drugs & Motherhood
I am a person who has never in her life touched any sort of drugs, unless that have been prescribed to me. Hell, I have never even smoked a cigarette. And that is the 100% Gods honest truth.
So, don't get upset when I think down on you for doing drugs. I will tolerate cigarettes but drugs, i don't think so. I just don't see the point in why people waste their time and money. Don't give me that baloney that they help you calm down or relax either because I am not buying it. Does not work with me, I am sorry. And don't expect mento give you sympathy either when you are broke because you spent it all on some weed or crack.
What really boils me is MOTHERS who seem to think that it's ok to continue with their recreational drug use. Especially when they are still pregnant. Seriously?! How effing stupid are you?
I worked with a girl at a restaurant while I was pregnant with my now 9 month old daughter. Who announced after I found out I was pregnant that she was going to get pregnant to so we could be preggo together. Good Reason right? Low and behold 2-3 months later, guess whose pregnant. Yay! Not!
So I spent the whole 7 months I worked of my pregnancy watching her buy pills from customers and run in the bathroom to crush them up and snort them.
One day a little baby came in that had Downs Syndrome. I had stated how I adore children with Downs. They are oh so adorable and so sweet and full of put innocence with a zest for life like no other. Another co-worker mentioned how she would love to adopt a child with Downs or another disability.
Guess what my little pill popping co-worker stated?
If her baby was ever born with a disability, she didn't want him!! She would immediately put him up for adoption. I just looked at her totally appalled and I had to walk away. If I had said the things I wanted to say, I would have surely caused a fight and been fired. I didn't need to loose my job, nor put my unborn daughter at risk!
I mean seriously! You are going to say all that while popping pills and putting your child at an even greater risk of problems or addiction and not care one single bit. But should your child be born with problems, you surely wouldn't take the blame but I would so be pointing fingers!!
I have a few family members that like to smoke marijuana while their children are around. They simply go in another room and close the door, or make the children go play in another room while the door is closed. It's ok though. They are in another room and they can't see me!
Why don't you just invite your child to sit with you then and share! Basically the same thing right?
I just don't understand. When I became a mother my lifestyle changed. Not that I ever did anything anyway but that's not the point. My life was no longer mine. It was theirs! And every bit of my life revolves around them. They are first, I am second and that is how it should be. I would never do anything to jeprodize the lives of my children.
When you become a mother, you're supposed to grow up and live all the bogus bull$hit behind.
At least that's what I thought was supposed to happen...
So, don't get upset when I think down on you for doing drugs. I will tolerate cigarettes but drugs, i don't think so. I just don't see the point in why people waste their time and money. Don't give me that baloney that they help you calm down or relax either because I am not buying it. Does not work with me, I am sorry. And don't expect mento give you sympathy either when you are broke because you spent it all on some weed or crack.
What really boils me is MOTHERS who seem to think that it's ok to continue with their recreational drug use. Especially when they are still pregnant. Seriously?! How effing stupid are you?
I worked with a girl at a restaurant while I was pregnant with my now 9 month old daughter. Who announced after I found out I was pregnant that she was going to get pregnant to so we could be preggo together. Good Reason right? Low and behold 2-3 months later, guess whose pregnant. Yay! Not!
So I spent the whole 7 months I worked of my pregnancy watching her buy pills from customers and run in the bathroom to crush them up and snort them.
One day a little baby came in that had Downs Syndrome. I had stated how I adore children with Downs. They are oh so adorable and so sweet and full of put innocence with a zest for life like no other. Another co-worker mentioned how she would love to adopt a child with Downs or another disability.
Guess what my little pill popping co-worker stated?
If her baby was ever born with a disability, she didn't want him!! She would immediately put him up for adoption. I just looked at her totally appalled and I had to walk away. If I had said the things I wanted to say, I would have surely caused a fight and been fired. I didn't need to loose my job, nor put my unborn daughter at risk!
I mean seriously! You are going to say all that while popping pills and putting your child at an even greater risk of problems or addiction and not care one single bit. But should your child be born with problems, you surely wouldn't take the blame but I would so be pointing fingers!!
I have a few family members that like to smoke marijuana while their children are around. They simply go in another room and close the door, or make the children go play in another room while the door is closed. It's ok though. They are in another room and they can't see me!
Why don't you just invite your child to sit with you then and share! Basically the same thing right?
I just don't understand. When I became a mother my lifestyle changed. Not that I ever did anything anyway but that's not the point. My life was no longer mine. It was theirs! And every bit of my life revolves around them. They are first, I am second and that is how it should be. I would never do anything to jeprodize the lives of my children.
When you become a mother, you're supposed to grow up and live all the bogus bull$hit behind.
At least that's what I thought was supposed to happen...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Reevaluation
I need a makeover. Not a normal makeover, but a life makeover.
I have some major stuff going on in my life that is throwing everything upside down. I so wish I could just saaay what is going on, but I have this fear that I am still being watched like a hawk even though I moved my blog. Once all is settled though, it won't matter.
But the bottom line is I am in desperate need of $2000 or I'm screwed! And I'm not near that at all. I have some saved but ugh!! It just seems impossible. Especially when there I always a bill that needs to be paid or I need to buy diapers or something. So frustrating.
It doesn't help that it's making me stressed out that now my relationship is starting to feel it. And that is the last thing I need.
I'm on the edge and bout to break. Something has to give right? They always say things have to get worse before they can get better. Well dammit after I pull myself through this, it better get better.
For those of my friends that do read this and are curious, feel free to leave a comment on this entry and I will reply to your email with my issue. :) I will only respond though if I recognize who you are. I don't want no spies!
I have some major stuff going on in my life that is throwing everything upside down. I so wish I could just saaay what is going on, but I have this fear that I am still being watched like a hawk even though I moved my blog. Once all is settled though, it won't matter.
But the bottom line is I am in desperate need of $2000 or I'm screwed! And I'm not near that at all. I have some saved but ugh!! It just seems impossible. Especially when there I always a bill that needs to be paid or I need to buy diapers or something. So frustrating.
It doesn't help that it's making me stressed out that now my relationship is starting to feel it. And that is the last thing I need.
I'm on the edge and bout to break. Something has to give right? They always say things have to get worse before they can get better. Well dammit after I pull myself through this, it better get better.
For those of my friends that do read this and are curious, feel free to leave a comment on this entry and I will reply to your email with my issue. :) I will only respond though if I recognize who you are. I don't want no spies!
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