There comes a time in life where you have to make decisions. Big ones, small ones, life altering, or just moment changing.
But the big life changing ones are the ones that I struggle with. And unfortunately, I am being faced with far too many of them.
And I'm overwhelmed.
I am only one person and it's becoming too much. It's so frustrating. Yes, I have a wonderful man by my side and we make decisions together, but one of those decisions is about him.
See, a few years ago we went through a part of life that nearly killed me. He cheated and I turned into an evil psycho. I was not myself. I eventually got over it but as I started moving on, he came back to me and said that he made a huge mistake and he wanted to be with me. So I did.
But it just hasnt been the same. I am not fully trustworthy of him. And I know that's crazy. That was like 5 years ago. But it's still affecting me and I don't know how to get passed it.
I love him, but I just don't know what to do.
How do you make life altering big decisions that could affect your life for the rest of your life.
So frustrating.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Twitter Me!!
If you visiting or following or both...
Come follow me on twitter!
http://www.twitter.com/FlirtinWith30
Come follow me on twitter!
http://www.twitter.com/FlirtinWith30
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Cell Phones, blogs, Social Networks, oh my
In this day, it is hard to find someone not attached to their cell phone, unless they are an elderly person. Hell, kids as young as 5 are begging to have a cell phone.
Thankfully my 8 year old could care less if she has one or not. She borrows her brothers when she goes to a friends house.
I on the other hand am guilty on multiple levels. I am highly addicted to my iPhone and can hardly go 10 minutes without looking at it. I am constantly texting or checking Facebook. And it has caused some tension in my relationship. He claims I spend more time on my phone & the truth is, I have become more reliant on doing things on my phone (like this blog post) instead of doing things with my husband. (I bet he would have a different tune if I was one of those kick ass bloggers that made lots of my doing this!) The sad thing is, I don't know how to put it away and leave it alone.
In a day when the whole world practically relies on the use of a computer or a cell phone, it's no wonder why everyone has gone googoo for technology. It seems like there is nothing you cant do from a cell phone.
So how do you pull yourself away from all the ways to communicate that don't require talking? I am having a hard time figuring this put. Is it bad that I would rather text than actually talk. Maybe it's because I am always busy that an actual conversation would slow me down.
I dont know but what would happen to people as the way we communicate if all of a sudden cell phones and Internet stopped working?? Would people in this day and age be able to handle it. Especially the kids.
My answer is No. What's yours??
Thankfully my 8 year old could care less if she has one or not. She borrows her brothers when she goes to a friends house.
I on the other hand am guilty on multiple levels. I am highly addicted to my iPhone and can hardly go 10 minutes without looking at it. I am constantly texting or checking Facebook. And it has caused some tension in my relationship. He claims I spend more time on my phone & the truth is, I have become more reliant on doing things on my phone (like this blog post) instead of doing things with my husband. (I bet he would have a different tune if I was one of those kick ass bloggers that made lots of my doing this!) The sad thing is, I don't know how to put it away and leave it alone.
In a day when the whole world practically relies on the use of a computer or a cell phone, it's no wonder why everyone has gone googoo for technology. It seems like there is nothing you cant do from a cell phone.
So how do you pull yourself away from all the ways to communicate that don't require talking? I am having a hard time figuring this put. Is it bad that I would rather text than actually talk. Maybe it's because I am always busy that an actual conversation would slow me down.
I dont know but what would happen to people as the way we communicate if all of a sudden cell phones and Internet stopped working?? Would people in this day and age be able to handle it. Especially the kids.
My answer is No. What's yours??
Thursday, March 24, 2011
No Babies Please!
When I was a kid, I always had said I was never ever having kids. I was always around my cousins which for the most part where little hellions on two feet.
My mom would always tell me that I would change my mind once I met the perfect guy. As I got older and into my teenage years I was still adamant on no kids! Besides, what teenage girl is worrying about children. Unless of course you are one of those way out of hand teenagers that are a Maury Show candidate! Sure as heck wasn't me. Keep those kids far away from me.
My plan was to adopt older children who didn't have a mom or dad of their own.
Yeah, we see how well that worked.
In 2000 I met my husband and his son. I was totally on with him having a child because I was still on the path of giving other children a parent they are lacking and I still didn't want any of my 'own'.
Imagine my surprise a few year later when a good ol' pregnancy test popped up positive. I was home alone when I took that test. I didn't even say anything to him that I was planning on taking one. What prompted me to take one was the fact that my boobs where ungodly sore. Everyone around me assured me that I was pregnant. I assured them I wasn't and told them I would take a test to prove them wrong.
Took the test. Threw it across the bathroom. Spent all day at home, alone, in bed, crying!
9 months later, enter Princess in the Middle.
After Princess in the Middle, I was so overcome with joy and love for this baby, that I wanted another. SOON!! Daddy on the other hand was never ready. I eventually got back on birth control pills and around my daughters age of 5/6, I let go of the dream of having another baby and started selling all her baby things. Clothes, gear, etc. I was tired of it taking up space.
So, imagine my surprise last fall when my period didn't come like it was supposed to. These birth control pills made my period come like clock work. One month it never came. So off I went to buy a test without telling hubby. And peed on it the next morning.
Positive. I bet your thinking I was happy!!
Not!!
I instantly threw it in the cupboard and cried. Composed myself and Got the kids ready for school. Hubby takes one look at me and knew something was wrong. He was stoked. I was angry.
I continued to be angry through pretty much my whole pregnancy. I'm pretty positive it's affecting my bond with her as I get so irritated and crabby when she is fussy and inconsolable which lucky for me is 98% of the time. But for some reason, she is so a mommas girl. She prefers me over anyone. I don't know if it has to do with the 8 weeks of breastfeeding or all the skin to skin the doctor made me do, or what. Sometimes I love it but others I just wish she wasn't. I know I sound so horrible but I can't help those feelings.
Even though I was so upset I was pregnant both times, I love both my girls more than anything in the world and I would never go back to before I had them. I may not be the best mother in the world, but to my girls, I am the greatest and I have no faults or failures. I will take that and run with it. Relishing in all their accomplishments. And hope that all 3 of my children always think I am nothing BUT the greatest!!
For the record though, I do still want to adopt and give a child the parents they wouldn't have otherwise.
My mom would always tell me that I would change my mind once I met the perfect guy. As I got older and into my teenage years I was still adamant on no kids! Besides, what teenage girl is worrying about children. Unless of course you are one of those way out of hand teenagers that are a Maury Show candidate! Sure as heck wasn't me. Keep those kids far away from me.
My plan was to adopt older children who didn't have a mom or dad of their own.
Yeah, we see how well that worked.
In 2000 I met my husband and his son. I was totally on with him having a child because I was still on the path of giving other children a parent they are lacking and I still didn't want any of my 'own'.
Imagine my surprise a few year later when a good ol' pregnancy test popped up positive. I was home alone when I took that test. I didn't even say anything to him that I was planning on taking one. What prompted me to take one was the fact that my boobs where ungodly sore. Everyone around me assured me that I was pregnant. I assured them I wasn't and told them I would take a test to prove them wrong.
Took the test. Threw it across the bathroom. Spent all day at home, alone, in bed, crying!
9 months later, enter Princess in the Middle.
After Princess in the Middle, I was so overcome with joy and love for this baby, that I wanted another. SOON!! Daddy on the other hand was never ready. I eventually got back on birth control pills and around my daughters age of 5/6, I let go of the dream of having another baby and started selling all her baby things. Clothes, gear, etc. I was tired of it taking up space.
So, imagine my surprise last fall when my period didn't come like it was supposed to. These birth control pills made my period come like clock work. One month it never came. So off I went to buy a test without telling hubby. And peed on it the next morning.
Positive. I bet your thinking I was happy!!
Not!!
I instantly threw it in the cupboard and cried. Composed myself and Got the kids ready for school. Hubby takes one look at me and knew something was wrong. He was stoked. I was angry.
I continued to be angry through pretty much my whole pregnancy. I'm pretty positive it's affecting my bond with her as I get so irritated and crabby when she is fussy and inconsolable which lucky for me is 98% of the time. But for some reason, she is so a mommas girl. She prefers me over anyone. I don't know if it has to do with the 8 weeks of breastfeeding or all the skin to skin the doctor made me do, or what. Sometimes I love it but others I just wish she wasn't. I know I sound so horrible but I can't help those feelings.
Even though I was so upset I was pregnant both times, I love both my girls more than anything in the world and I would never go back to before I had them. I may not be the best mother in the world, but to my girls, I am the greatest and I have no faults or failures. I will take that and run with it. Relishing in all their accomplishments. And hope that all 3 of my children always think I am nothing BUT the greatest!!
For the record though, I do still want to adopt and give a child the parents they wouldn't have otherwise.
Monday, March 21, 2011
If it's not one thing...
It's seriously another and I really can handle it.
I'm on the edge and about to break. The feelings I had when I almost committed suicide before are lingering in the back of my mind again toying with me and teasing.
Plain and simple, I am a hot mess. I've been abused and broken and no one will pick up my pieces and put me back together again. I'm a real life Humpty Dumpty and no one gets it.
It would be so much easier to just let it all go and be don't with everything instead of having your emotions toyed with and played like a fiddle. I wouldn't have to stare people in the face whom, no matter how hard I try, I can't please. And they wouldn't have to look at me all tattered, torn, and broken. We would all be free.
But then where would that leave my daughters and my step-son. Damaged and heartbroken forever. And they are the reason I hold onto all the shiny tiny glimmers of false hope hoping that someday things will be how they where meant to be.
I'm on the edge and about to break. The feelings I had when I almost committed suicide before are lingering in the back of my mind again toying with me and teasing.
Plain and simple, I am a hot mess. I've been abused and broken and no one will pick up my pieces and put me back together again. I'm a real life Humpty Dumpty and no one gets it.
It would be so much easier to just let it all go and be don't with everything instead of having your emotions toyed with and played like a fiddle. I wouldn't have to stare people in the face whom, no matter how hard I try, I can't please. And they wouldn't have to look at me all tattered, torn, and broken. We would all be free.
But then where would that leave my daughters and my step-son. Damaged and heartbroken forever. And they are the reason I hold onto all the shiny tiny glimmers of false hope hoping that someday things will be how they where meant to be.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Welcome Spring
Oh Spring! How happy I am to see you!! I have missed you since the day you left me last year.
Don't tell your other 3 friends, but you are my favorite and I adore everything you bring with you.
Although, I have to say that I am sad that there is no spring sunshine today and it's all dark and dreary grey outside along with some rain. I will deal though as long as you promise to hussy with the spring weather and don't disappear on me too quickly.
Love your BFF,
Me
Happy Spring Friends!!!
Don't tell your other 3 friends, but you are my favorite and I adore everything you bring with you.
Although, I have to say that I am sad that there is no spring sunshine today and it's all dark and dreary grey outside along with some rain. I will deal though as long as you promise to hussy with the spring weather and don't disappear on me too quickly.
Love your BFF,
Me
Happy Spring Friends!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Drugs & Motherhood
I am a person who has never in her life touched any sort of drugs, unless that have been prescribed to me. Hell, I have never even smoked a cigarette. And that is the 100% Gods honest truth.
So, don't get upset when I think down on you for doing drugs. I will tolerate cigarettes but drugs, i don't think so. I just don't see the point in why people waste their time and money. Don't give me that baloney that they help you calm down or relax either because I am not buying it. Does not work with me, I am sorry. And don't expect mento give you sympathy either when you are broke because you spent it all on some weed or crack.
What really boils me is MOTHERS who seem to think that it's ok to continue with their recreational drug use. Especially when they are still pregnant. Seriously?! How effing stupid are you?
I worked with a girl at a restaurant while I was pregnant with my now 9 month old daughter. Who announced after I found out I was pregnant that she was going to get pregnant to so we could be preggo together. Good Reason right? Low and behold 2-3 months later, guess whose pregnant. Yay! Not!
So I spent the whole 7 months I worked of my pregnancy watching her buy pills from customers and run in the bathroom to crush them up and snort them.
One day a little baby came in that had Downs Syndrome. I had stated how I adore children with Downs. They are oh so adorable and so sweet and full of put innocence with a zest for life like no other. Another co-worker mentioned how she would love to adopt a child with Downs or another disability.
Guess what my little pill popping co-worker stated?
If her baby was ever born with a disability, she didn't want him!! She would immediately put him up for adoption. I just looked at her totally appalled and I had to walk away. If I had said the things I wanted to say, I would have surely caused a fight and been fired. I didn't need to loose my job, nor put my unborn daughter at risk!
I mean seriously! You are going to say all that while popping pills and putting your child at an even greater risk of problems or addiction and not care one single bit. But should your child be born with problems, you surely wouldn't take the blame but I would so be pointing fingers!!
I have a few family members that like to smoke marijuana while their children are around. They simply go in another room and close the door, or make the children go play in another room while the door is closed. It's ok though. They are in another room and they can't see me!
Why don't you just invite your child to sit with you then and share! Basically the same thing right?
I just don't understand. When I became a mother my lifestyle changed. Not that I ever did anything anyway but that's not the point. My life was no longer mine. It was theirs! And every bit of my life revolves around them. They are first, I am second and that is how it should be. I would never do anything to jeprodize the lives of my children.
When you become a mother, you're supposed to grow up and live all the bogus bull$hit behind.
At least that's what I thought was supposed to happen...
So, don't get upset when I think down on you for doing drugs. I will tolerate cigarettes but drugs, i don't think so. I just don't see the point in why people waste their time and money. Don't give me that baloney that they help you calm down or relax either because I am not buying it. Does not work with me, I am sorry. And don't expect mento give you sympathy either when you are broke because you spent it all on some weed or crack.
What really boils me is MOTHERS who seem to think that it's ok to continue with their recreational drug use. Especially when they are still pregnant. Seriously?! How effing stupid are you?
I worked with a girl at a restaurant while I was pregnant with my now 9 month old daughter. Who announced after I found out I was pregnant that she was going to get pregnant to so we could be preggo together. Good Reason right? Low and behold 2-3 months later, guess whose pregnant. Yay! Not!
So I spent the whole 7 months I worked of my pregnancy watching her buy pills from customers and run in the bathroom to crush them up and snort them.
One day a little baby came in that had Downs Syndrome. I had stated how I adore children with Downs. They are oh so adorable and so sweet and full of put innocence with a zest for life like no other. Another co-worker mentioned how she would love to adopt a child with Downs or another disability.
Guess what my little pill popping co-worker stated?
If her baby was ever born with a disability, she didn't want him!! She would immediately put him up for adoption. I just looked at her totally appalled and I had to walk away. If I had said the things I wanted to say, I would have surely caused a fight and been fired. I didn't need to loose my job, nor put my unborn daughter at risk!
I mean seriously! You are going to say all that while popping pills and putting your child at an even greater risk of problems or addiction and not care one single bit. But should your child be born with problems, you surely wouldn't take the blame but I would so be pointing fingers!!
I have a few family members that like to smoke marijuana while their children are around. They simply go in another room and close the door, or make the children go play in another room while the door is closed. It's ok though. They are in another room and they can't see me!
Why don't you just invite your child to sit with you then and share! Basically the same thing right?
I just don't understand. When I became a mother my lifestyle changed. Not that I ever did anything anyway but that's not the point. My life was no longer mine. It was theirs! And every bit of my life revolves around them. They are first, I am second and that is how it should be. I would never do anything to jeprodize the lives of my children.
When you become a mother, you're supposed to grow up and live all the bogus bull$hit behind.
At least that's what I thought was supposed to happen...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Reevaluation
I need a makeover. Not a normal makeover, but a life makeover.
I have some major stuff going on in my life that is throwing everything upside down. I so wish I could just saaay what is going on, but I have this fear that I am still being watched like a hawk even though I moved my blog. Once all is settled though, it won't matter.
But the bottom line is I am in desperate need of $2000 or I'm screwed! And I'm not near that at all. I have some saved but ugh!! It just seems impossible. Especially when there I always a bill that needs to be paid or I need to buy diapers or something. So frustrating.
It doesn't help that it's making me stressed out that now my relationship is starting to feel it. And that is the last thing I need.
I'm on the edge and bout to break. Something has to give right? They always say things have to get worse before they can get better. Well dammit after I pull myself through this, it better get better.
For those of my friends that do read this and are curious, feel free to leave a comment on this entry and I will reply to your email with my issue. :) I will only respond though if I recognize who you are. I don't want no spies!
I have some major stuff going on in my life that is throwing everything upside down. I so wish I could just saaay what is going on, but I have this fear that I am still being watched like a hawk even though I moved my blog. Once all is settled though, it won't matter.
But the bottom line is I am in desperate need of $2000 or I'm screwed! And I'm not near that at all. I have some saved but ugh!! It just seems impossible. Especially when there I always a bill that needs to be paid or I need to buy diapers or something. So frustrating.
It doesn't help that it's making me stressed out that now my relationship is starting to feel it. And that is the last thing I need.
I'm on the edge and bout to break. Something has to give right? They always say things have to get worse before they can get better. Well dammit after I pull myself through this, it better get better.
For those of my friends that do read this and are curious, feel free to leave a comment on this entry and I will reply to your email with my issue. :) I will only respond though if I recognize who you are. I don't want no spies!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Irritated
Ya know, sometimes I don't know how I go day after day of dealin with the crap I deal with.
But I do. I just push it all down inside and ignore it and move on. And somehow I manage to pretend it doesn't exist.
But does that really make it any better?
No. Because eventually I am going to snap and I'm getting close to that. and when that happens. It's ugly. I scream, I yell, and I say lots of things that I end up regretting later but at that moment sound so right.
So right now instead of screaming at you and saying your pissing me the hell off, I'm pushing it all down inside with the rest of the bullshit I deal with on the daily and hoping that I don't blow a gasket!
Dont judge me either. I've been abused multiple ways and this is just how I deal. Get over it & if you don't like it, there's the door. I have been alone before.
But I do. I just push it all down inside and ignore it and move on. And somehow I manage to pretend it doesn't exist.
But does that really make it any better?
No. Because eventually I am going to snap and I'm getting close to that. and when that happens. It's ugly. I scream, I yell, and I say lots of things that I end up regretting later but at that moment sound so right.
So right now instead of screaming at you and saying your pissing me the hell off, I'm pushing it all down inside with the rest of the bullshit I deal with on the daily and hoping that I don't blow a gasket!
Dont judge me either. I've been abused multiple ways and this is just how I deal. Get over it & if you don't like it, there's the door. I have been alone before.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Spring Cleaning
I am ready for spring!
Correction...
I am beyond ready for spring.
Like, ready to bust open the windows, wear capris (I don't do shorts cause I got me some fat thighs!!), and dump my basement into the garbage!
It needs help! Like serious help! And not only that, I have a slight leak in my wall somewhere that is making the den/office area have mold grow on the wall. It's not a lot, but enough to make it musty.
And I want to organize it supa bad! We keep diggin through boxes and leavin crap everywhere so likely, it's a hot mess and not cute!
I'm also ready to just have windows open. There is nothing that I love more than fresh spring breeze. Let out the stuffiness that winter forces you to keep in!!
I'm ready to kick my kids out of the house and make them play outside, jam to some music and clean!! Nothin like a fresh house cleaning to make you feel good!
Now if we can only get mother nature to cooperate!!
Correction...
I am beyond ready for spring.
Like, ready to bust open the windows, wear capris (I don't do shorts cause I got me some fat thighs!!), and dump my basement into the garbage!
It needs help! Like serious help! And not only that, I have a slight leak in my wall somewhere that is making the den/office area have mold grow on the wall. It's not a lot, but enough to make it musty.
And I want to organize it supa bad! We keep diggin through boxes and leavin crap everywhere so likely, it's a hot mess and not cute!
I'm also ready to just have windows open. There is nothing that I love more than fresh spring breeze. Let out the stuffiness that winter forces you to keep in!!
I'm ready to kick my kids out of the house and make them play outside, jam to some music and clean!! Nothin like a fresh house cleaning to make you feel good!
Now if we can only get mother nature to cooperate!!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Birthday Boy
My son turned another year older today. 14!
14!!
Sheesh!
I remember when I met you! You where only 3. Adorable as ever. And not so nice to me sometimes because "I'm not your mom"
It's nice now though because you realize that I'm as close to a mom as you will ever have. I may not have grew you in my belly and then gave birth to you, but I love you all the same.
Sometimes you make me mental, but what teenager doesn't drive their parents mental.
It's been fun watching you grow into a boy to a young man. And who knows what the future holds for us, but I can't wait to watch you grow into an adult!
Happy Birthday!! I hope you had a fabulous day!!
14!!
Sheesh!
I remember when I met you! You where only 3. Adorable as ever. And not so nice to me sometimes because "I'm not your mom"
It's nice now though because you realize that I'm as close to a mom as you will ever have. I may not have grew you in my belly and then gave birth to you, but I love you all the same.
Sometimes you make me mental, but what teenager doesn't drive their parents mental.
It's been fun watching you grow into a boy to a young man. And who knows what the future holds for us, but I can't wait to watch you grow into an adult!
Happy Birthday!! I hope you had a fabulous day!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
I need a Vacation
I am so overly tired it's not even funny. I am so over waking up
all.
night.
long.
with diva baby. I just want one full nights sleep. Is that too much to ask??
/sigh
all.
night.
long.
with diva baby. I just want one full nights sleep. Is that too much to ask??
/sigh
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Product Reviews
I love to do product reviews. I am a member of BzzAgent and have been with them for many years. I have been lucky to do a couple of House Party's and now I am a 'Purex Insider'.
Right now Purex has me sampling the new Crystals fabric softener. And so far I'm pretty impressed. I have only done 2 loads though.
I am trying to get a few companies to allow me to do product reviews here. We shall see what happens!!
I love trying things out and giving my thoughts. Honest thoughts because I feel that is what helps businesses make their products better.
I especially love to help businesses started by moms or home made things.
If your interested please leave a comment.
Right now Purex has me sampling the new Crystals fabric softener. And so far I'm pretty impressed. I have only done 2 loads though.
I am trying to get a few companies to allow me to do product reviews here. We shall see what happens!!
I love trying things out and giving my thoughts. Honest thoughts because I feel that is what helps businesses make their products better.
I especially love to help businesses started by moms or home made things.
If your interested please leave a comment.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I'm Not The Mom I Wanted To Be
When I was younger, I never wanted to have children. I wanted to adopt my children and give them a mom and dad instead. There are too many children without and I wanted to take at least 2 of them.
Well obviously that isn't how things worked for me. Kind of anyway. I do have a son whom I did not give birth too. I am his mother because his bio mom is less than par. But that is all. I gave birth to my other 2 children. And I wouldn't take them back for anything.
But I an not the mother I envisioned myself being.
I wanted to give my children the happy stable home I never had. I wanted to be able to get them whatever I wanted without worries I wanted their parents to always be happy and problem free. I wanted to be better than my parents.
Well, those where just dreams. Long far off dreams.
Because I do not provide none of the above. Not anywhere close and it breaks my heart. There is so much stress and frustration in my life, that my home is no where near stable and I cannot afford to even breathe sometimes. My children ask for all these cool things, and I cannot give it to them.
And when people find out everything that is going on, and they see our baby, I get this expression of why we had another child.
My baby was not planned. I was on birth control and apparently God wanted her here, because she slipped by. You will never have no idea how angry I was when I found out I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant and I was not happy through the whole thing. And the saddest part is, I'm pretty positive that this affects my bond with her. I get so frustrated with her so easily and I'm sure it was because I didn't want to be pregnant.
When I think of the mother I am and the mother I wanted to be, I am sad. Don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything, I just wish I was a better mother.
Well obviously that isn't how things worked for me. Kind of anyway. I do have a son whom I did not give birth too. I am his mother because his bio mom is less than par. But that is all. I gave birth to my other 2 children. And I wouldn't take them back for anything.
But I an not the mother I envisioned myself being.
I wanted to give my children the happy stable home I never had. I wanted to be able to get them whatever I wanted without worries I wanted their parents to always be happy and problem free. I wanted to be better than my parents.
Well, those where just dreams. Long far off dreams.
Because I do not provide none of the above. Not anywhere close and it breaks my heart. There is so much stress and frustration in my life, that my home is no where near stable and I cannot afford to even breathe sometimes. My children ask for all these cool things, and I cannot give it to them.
And when people find out everything that is going on, and they see our baby, I get this expression of why we had another child.
My baby was not planned. I was on birth control and apparently God wanted her here, because she slipped by. You will never have no idea how angry I was when I found out I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant and I was not happy through the whole thing. And the saddest part is, I'm pretty positive that this affects my bond with her. I get so frustrated with her so easily and I'm sure it was because I didn't want to be pregnant.
When I think of the mother I am and the mother I wanted to be, I am sad. Don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything, I just wish I was a better mother.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)